


and now we're here again

by skeletonqueen



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: M/M, a little rehash for scene setting, light fluff, you know that one clocktower scene in kh3? that but gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-23 05:01:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23006152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skeletonqueen/pseuds/skeletonqueen
Summary: Was this really it? Was this really all this meeting would amount to? Some snarky words exchanged in a way that was all too familiar, reminiscent of how the two of them had been that year before everything had devolved between them.
Relationships: Axel/Saïx (Kingdom Hearts), Isa/Lea (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 57





	and now we're here again

Heaving out a heavy sigh, Lea leant his elbow on his knee. Saïx was sitting casually beside him, looking out towards the horizon. The warm orange and red hues of Twilight Town's eternal sunset painted him with a soft glow. They had been talking about the girl they had met back then, their plans to track her down, and ultimately their shortcomings. There was something about the way Saïx spoke that got under Lea's skin—the way he drew comparisons between the girl and Roxas.

"Gone forever. You need to accept that." 

Lea glowered at Saïx, wondering if this was intentional. The way he chose his words and the tone of his voice. Saïx said he wasn't here to fight, but it felt as if he was just trying to rile him up. Lea let his frustration bubble up to the surface. 

"You wish. I'm getting her back. All of 'em! Especially Roxas." He pointed an accusatory ice cream towards Saïx. "I'm even dragging you home." 

He let his eyes linger on Saïx's profile, and narrowed them as Saïx finished eating his stolen bar of ice cream, seemingly unfazed by Lea's declaration. But Saïx turned his attention back towards Lea, as though he could feel his eyes on him, quietly pondering.

"The marks under your eyes. They're gone."

Lea turned away, flustered. He didn't like the feeling of being under Saïx's scrutiny. What even _was_ Saïx doing here? Showing up the way he did and then acting like he wanted to goad Lea into a fight. He clicked his tongue, annoyed. "Yeah. Don't need 'em." 

Saïx rose to his feet and looked down at Lea still sitting on the ledge. "Always told you they'd stop you from crying. The upside-down tears." Lea bristled at his comment. He felt small in that moment, being reminded of just how easy it had been to make him cry when he was a child. He was lying to himself if he could convince himself he didn't still need those charms. He wondered what Saïx would say if he knew how often he'd been crying of late. Maybe he'd be amused if he learned that one of the sources of so many of his tears was Saïx himself. 

"Would you get lost?" Lea snapped, almost hurling the ice cream in his hand. "I'll clobber you tomorrow." His face twisted into a snarl, gritting his teeth as his agitation grew the longer Saïx stood there.

Was this really it? Was this really all this meeting would amount to? Some snarky words exchanged in a way that was all too familiar, reminiscent of how the two of them had been that year before everything had devolved between them. Their light jabs at each other did little to hide the tension that was hanging thick in the air between them, and they both knew it. Neither of them wanted to be the one to address it—that both of them weren't going to make it out in one piece tomorrow—it was one or the other. 

Saïx made a small sound as he tilted his chin up. "I expect no less." The corners of his mouth turned upward into a small smirk. Lea's heart jumped at the sight. The small expression changed his whole demeanour, and Lea convinced himself the expression was almost fond. How long had it been since he'd seen Isa smile? He followed the line of his cheeks up to his eyes—yellow eyes—and found himself deflating slightly. Right, of course. _Saïx_ , not _Isa_.

The sound of a dark corridor being summoned filled the atmosphere around them along with that familiar cold rush of air that came with it. Lea shifted awkwardly on the ledge as Saïx watched him pensively, as though he was waiting for Lea to get the last word in. 

Hesitating, Lea fumbled with the ice cream he had been waving around, swapping it to his other hand. "Wait—" He reached out and grabbed on to the edge of Saïx's coat sleeve. 

"What?" Saïx glanced down at the hand on his sleeve, a melancholic amusement in his voice. "I thought you _wanted_ me to leave?" Lea looked up at him, putting his discomfort aside and met Saïx's eyes. His brows knitted together as he tried to gather his thoughts. He hated how conflicted he felt. Sitting here with Saïx had left his stomach in knots, unable to actually fathom out what exactly it was he was feeling in the first place. 

Confusion was at the forefront of his mind, over how he felt towards Isa, but also guilt when he thought of how he'd treated Saïx when he was Axel. A sadness set in when he thought about how hopeless their entire situation seemed to him now. He let go of Saïx's sleeve, letting his hand fall back to his side limply. 

Underneath it all was _anger_. Anger at himself, his actions and his missteps, at Saïx and how everything had fallen apart between them, and running deeper than that was the unrelenting rage he felt towards Xemnas and Xehanort for being the catalyst of this whole mess in the first place. 

"Why?" Lea did his best to keep his voice even, not wanting any waver in his voice to betray how utterly vulnerable he felt with Saïx still standing above him.

"Why, what?"

There were so many things he wanted answers to. The one question that was burning the tip of his tongue was why Saïx had joined the Organization again? ( _How could you leave me behind?_ ) He opened his mouth with the intent of asking, but when he spoke he instead asked, "Why did you come looking for me?" 

He received no immediate answer. The two of them remained in silence, staring each other down. Lea eventually glanced away, sighing. As the silence drew on longer, the tension in air began to feel like it was suffocating him. Every fibre of his being was telling him to go. To run, to be anywhere but here. He scooted backwards, kicking his legs back over the ledge to stand. When he was on his feet, Saïx finally spoke, as if he knew Lea was intending to run off. 

"I wanted— _needed_ to see you." 

Lea stared at him, felt his mouth hanging open at Saïx's words. He straightened his back and brought himself to his full height. 

"You and I both know what will happen tomorrow." Saïx was staring at the ground, voice barely audible. "I just wanted one moment spent without the fighting. Perhaps it's unfair of me, to seek you out like this." He looked to Lea, catching his gaze and Lea realised just how tired he looked. "After all, I of all people have no right to ask anything of you, Lea."

Tilting his head to the side, Lea watched Saïx's face—the way his brow furrowed as he was in thought, his mouth drawn into a tight line. "You could ask anything of me. You know that." His voice sounded quiet, he was unsure if he was whispering or if the pounding of his heart in his ears was drowning everything else out. Saïx's face softened and Lea focused his attention on the line of his jaw, on the way his hair hung over his cheekbones, and the soft curve of his mouth. 

"If I asked you not to make an appearance tomorrow, that you be somewhere else and you kept yourself safe, would you?" Saïx smiled slightly, a sad looking thing as he spoke. They both knew the answer to that question was no. "Just because I can ask, it doesn't mean you can comply. Not anymore." 

"Too much has changed." Lea rubbed at his temple as he spoke. It was a statement, not a question, but he saw Saïx's jaw incline as he nodded in agreement nonetheless.

Lea tensed and inched his head backwards, taken by surprise as a gloved hand brushed lightly against the right side of his face. But as Saïx thumbed over his cheekbone, he found himself relaxing, leaning down into the touch. Fingers slid along his jaw, tilting Lea's head down to get a better look at his face. Saïx's other hand came to rest at the top of his shoulder for a beat, then trailed down the side of his arm until he got a grip on his bicep. 

Lea realised he was barely breathing, holding his breath as Saïx held him there, locked into place with his stare. He thought maybe he should say something, but Saïx let out the smallest sound of frustration as his grip tightened on Lea's arm. There was a time when Lea considered himself to be adept at figuring out what it was that was going through his best friend's head, but right now he was a loss. 

"Forgive me, Lea?" Saïx tugged at Lea's arm, pulling him in so close that they were chest to chest.

"Huh? Wh—" He didn't have a chance to voice his confusion as Saïx closed the gap between the two of them in one small movement. Cautious lips pressed against his own and caught him off guard, Lea knew he probably looked like a rabbit caught in headlights. He let his eyes flutter shut as Saïx caught his bottom lip. Lea found Saïx's waist, fingers finding purchase on the fabric of the cloak, clinging onto it.

He thought back to the last time he'd been in this position, the night before he'd been assigned to Castle Oblivion the first time. Saïx had been overbearing and aggressive in a way Axel hadn't experienced in a long time, and he had revelled in it, thrived under Saïx's touch. Everything about the way Saïx kissed him now reminded him of Isa. Feather light and tentative, so unsure of himself, with the taste of sea-salt ice cream lingering on his lips.

It was softer than anything he could recall in recent memory. It made him think back to the first time Isa had kissed him. Summer vacation spent in Lea's bedroom, putting off their homework by eating unhealthy amounts of ice cream to stave off the heat. They were maybe fifteen at most, and they'd been just the same back then—uncertain of themselves, of what they were doing. 

It was over before it had begun. Saïx pulled away and dropped Lea's arm as though he'd been burned by the proximity. He searched Lea's eyes for the briefest of moments, a rueful expression flashing across his face as he backed away from Lea into the dark corridor still looming behind him. 

"Isa—" 

Saïx didn't wait to hear what he had to say, the wispy tendrils of darkness forming around him as the corridor closed and left Lea standing alone on the clocktower.

Lea glanced down at the ground, grimacing as he caught sight of the two half melted bars of ice-cream he had been holding now forming a sticky blue puddle at his feet. His shoulders slumped as he stared back at the spot Saïx had been seated in, and as the corners of his eyes began to sting he let out an irritated sigh. 

"Well, what am I supposed to do with that, huh, Isa?"

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! i hope u enjoyed this little what if scenario. 
> 
> i originally penned out back in may as an accompanying piece to some art i did. i was thinking about a conversation that could have taken place within the confines of saix not wanting to tell lea about his plans, but also running under the assumption that this would be the last potential opportunity for any sort of meaningful interaction. also... the isa side story made me soft and i wanted to write something soft. 
> 
> title shamelessly taken from 'here again (last conversation)' by fightstar, and whilst not intentional it feels oddly fitting for this, so please consider giving it a listen! thanks as always to fluffled for reading through it and keeping me on track. it was fun to write and revisit this idea! you can find me on twitter @skeletonsynth if you wanna stop by.


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